He didn’t make an effort to contact me even though he said he would be home. It’s kind of like him giving up on me all over again, but not really. It’s different. I had someone who was there for me this time. Even though it makes him uncomfortable, he still puts up with my nonsense talk. He’s an okay boyfriend, I guess.
I won’t do it because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ll just keep things the same. How do I break off plans weeks in the making? /:
I’ll never understand people who don’t drink alcohol
Maybe they know what alcohol can do to people, maybe they fear liver failure, maybe they had a family member or friend that died from an alcohol related accident, maybe they don’t feel the need or desire to drink, it’s really not that hard to comprehend
There will be no sleep for me tonight. My private loan people don’t know how to fucking talk to me so they keep taking all the money out of my account, and then some, leaving me in the negatives. It’s going to happen again when they try to take the money out of my account on the first. I keep thinking about how all my money goes to rent and bills and then I have to struggle and cry to people on the phone about how I can’t pay certain bills or that I will have to pay them again at a later time. I keep putting it off and I never thought I would take it into consideration, but I may have to tell my roommates that I need to go back home. After everything that I’ve done and how hard I have worked I still ended up failing. I don’t know why I thought I would be good at this. I just don’t have money. Living paycheck by paycheck…wondering if I am even going to have enough money to get gas so that I can go to work and get the little paychecks I do get…Fuck…
My biggest fear in life was to be like everyone else in my family. Look at me now. A college grad who by no means makes enough to live alone. Part-time job with no other prospects. Miserable. I wish I were dead…
I’m crying. And I cried and cried and told myself to stop all while picking at my scalp and I didn’t stop when I first felt the warmth and the tears kept flowing even when I realized that blood was staining my fingernails and that I was becoming disappointed in myself for sitting up here and silently suffering and it doesn’t matter because blood and tears scar my face and I don’t care.
Today I attended the most colorful funeral for the most colorful person. Everyone is dealing with the situation in different ways, but mostly everyone is drinking. Though I don’t agree with this, c’est la vie.
I have been crying and coughing my brains out with the Sallie Mae reps for two hours. After being with my family yesterday I finally received my loan information and found out my monthly payments would have been a little over $500. Of course I can’t do that! Eventually, the reps and I figured out that because I am so broke that I can work to qualify for loan forgiveness. They are sending me things in the mail to fill out. One step at a time. I wish I could pass out, but my body is in so much pain and I don’t feel like I can emotionally handle all of this. Oh well, in about a week I will get wonderful paperwork in the mail that will continue this new journey in my life: loan struggles.
How do I get my anxiety to crawl back into its medicine guarded hole?
I suppose it’s going to be one of those days…